Our story, part 3.

In January 2009 — after two years together we got our very first place. It was the best. Or so we thought…

Turns out, it’s really hard to transition into a first-time renter, recent college graduate, and brand new teacher all within a few months of each other. Sean was busy with work and joined his first band since we started dating so I had to adjust to sharing him with the band, all the new friends that brought us as well as my own commitments with my new career. Oh, and we thought it was a good idea to adopt a puppy. It wasn’t.

It was a lot, all at once and it led to change and confusion. It was hard, and eventually led to us breaking up. For 20 days. And it was awful.

We refer to those 20 days as the dark days and don’t actually talk about them much. But in the big picture of our lives together those 20 days, while necessary, practically don’t exist.

It’s a scary thing to not be with the person you know you’re supposed to be with. It’s almost like your heart is walking around outside your body. You can’t control it, fix it, or change it. So instead, you do everything you can so that you can just be near it. Like agree to go to places you always declined before, or watch the movies you always said “no” to before or stay up late on Facebook chat just to see if he’d send a message like before. And just like that, our relationship sparked up again through online chatting, and texting and reminding each other why we were so good together in the first place.

Sometimes I think you have to step back and realize what you have, what you can handle, and what needs to change. I think that the 20 days apart made me appreciate Sean for who he was, made me realize who I was and made me fall in love with him even more… rather than continue to be obsessed with the idea of our relationship.

We spent that Thanksgiving in Maine with Sean’s family. On Friday, after eating tacos for lunch Sean mentioned going over to the lighthouse about 10 minutes from the house. It was raining and I kept saying “I don’t know… how about tomorrow?” But he kept insisting, so I said I would go. When we got there he asked me to get out of the car. It was down pouring and I told him that I could see from the car; so he made me get out of the car. I thought it was a little unnecessary but of course I did it. 

We walked a little bit and he told me he loved me and I remember thinking about the rain and about his words and then more about the rain. Until he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him. And suddenly it didn’t matter that it was raining. Or cold. Or muddy. It was beautiful and perfect. And I didn’t hesitate to say “yes”.