“When Are You Going Back To Work?”

Our youngest is almost one (what?!) and I hear it all the time: why don’t you just go back to work? When are you going back to work? Why don’t you work full-time? And I would argue I do work, I am working and that I already have a full-time (and a part-time!) job. But the truth is, it’s become very comfortable to “be home” and also pretty necessary.

We know that workplaces aren’t often that flexible for working parents, mothers usually. And sometimes even when they are flexible, there’s a level of guilt that comes with needing time off, no matter the reason. I have been toying with the idea of going back to work in-person (doing something) but after tracking our January calendar I’m not sure it’s even possible!

Here are all the January reasons I would have had to leave work early, arrive late, or call out of work if I worked a full-time-out-of-the-house job:

(2) Holidays: Sure, maybe an employer would offer holidays on New Years Day and Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, maybe not. But the kids had days off from school, so those days would have been missed by me.

(1) Early release: Teachers need professional development which is fantastic. I used to teach and I understand these days. But sending kids home early, would have meant a half day of work for me.

(1) Scheduled well-visit: We had a kid with a birthday which meant they were due for a well-visit. Those are only offered in the afternoons at our practice. Between picking up the child at school, driving, arriving 15 minutes early for their appointment, completing the well-visit, driving, and returning said child to school… it took about 2.5 hours.

(3) Dentists appointments: I try really hard to have one of our twice yearly dentist appointments happen in the summer. This means the other appointment happens in winter. Since I need appointments for three kids, it takes a lot of pre-planning to get side by side by side or back to back to back appointments. Sometimes, it’s just not possible and other times I have to be creative. This month one child had an appointment at 9AM and the other two had appointments at 3PM. So on this specific day I would have had to arrive late to work and leave early!

(1) IEP: Two of our kids have IEPs and this month, one of them was up for renewal. This meant a 9AM, two hour meeting on a random Thursday morning.

(11) Speech Therapy: One kid has speech therapy three times a week (the other has services during her actual school day). This means for about 20 minutes, three times a week, I am dropping off mid-day and/or picking up mid-afternoon.

(9) Sick Days: Ah, my favorite of them all. The illnesses that January brought us. Between a stomach bug, and random fever viruses the kids missed a combined nine days of school! And of course, no one is ever sick at the same time in this house. We like to be sick in tandem. One kid gets better and the next one is knocked down!

Let’s count’em. That’s 28 reasons I couldn’t work a full-time out of the house job without immense flexibility or guilt. The month is only 31 days and weekends accounted for 8 of them. And I know, I know. I can hear you now saying well you have a spouse. But even if we split the responsibilities and absences that’s still 14 between both of us! Yikes.

I did think that once the kids got older, it would be easier to go back to work. And maybe one day, that’ll be true. But today isn’t that day! (And February doesn’t look much better!)