Having a toddler is hard. Adding a newborn to the mix can make things even trickier! Here’s a post about smoothly introducing your toddler to their new baby sibling.

I was nervous about how our family dynamics would change when we brought home baby #2. How would we introduce him to his new family member? How would my lovable boy react to his new sibling? Would he feel left out or jealous of his new baby sibling? Ah! The unknown. I scoured the internet in the weeks before delivery looking for tips and all the how-to’s. My goal was to make sure Javi continued to feel loved and not overlooked. I knew that much of the attention would be on Lola especially in the first few days of her life. For a former only child, that’s hard!

So: here goes — Introducing siblings.

Introducing siblings — in the hospital:

Tip #1: Bring photos of your older child(ren) to the hospital. When we arrived at the hospital and started to unpack, Sean put a few 8×10 photos of Javi around the hospital room. Not only did I enjoy looking at them while in pain (I mean, labor) but when he finally arrived at the hospital he immediately saw HIS photos and had a huge smile on his face.

Tip #2: Keep family time exclusive. I really wanted Javi to be the first person to meet his new sibling (other than me and Sean, obviously). I also wanted the room to be quiet and without a lot of people. When we were ready for visitors, my parents (who kept Javi while we were in the hospital) brought him to us but Sean met them in the waiting room. They patiently waited there while Sean and Javi joined me and Lola for a bit. It was really nice to have a few quiet moments together and helpful because we could gauge his level of interest and excitement in her.

Tip #3: Put down the baby. So, as hard as it is — don’t hold the new baby when your older child(ren) walk in the room. I was really sensitive to the fact that Javi hadn’t seen us in over 36 hours (something that NEVER happens). We wanted to be able to pick him up and hug him and pay attention to him, 100%, even if for just a minute. I also didn’t want him to feel replaced or jealous, in any way by his baby sibling. So I made sure Lola was in the bassinet when he walked through the door.

Tip #4: Wait for the older child(ren) to show interest. Luckily for us, Javi walked through the hospital room door pretty much demanding to see Lola. BUT, our plan was to pay attention to him, hug, chat, and look around the room for as long as he needed to BEFORE we pointed out Lola. We didn’t want to force the introduction.

Tip #5: Introduce the new baby to your older child(ren). I imagined what I would say to Javi during their first meeting and it had gone something like “Javi, do you see Lola? She’s your sister! Isn’t she so little!” (cue big smiles). HOWEVER, that type of introduction puts all the attention on the baby (a baby that isn’t aware they are meeting anyone). So instead of that, we made sure to introduce her to him, “Lola, this is Javi! He’s your big brother! He loves puzzles and books and can’t wait to play with you! He’s so helpful and fun!”. It’s a slight switch in language but it puts the focus on Javi who (despite being just 2) is a bit more aware of what’s going on.

Tip #6: Let them hold the baby & give the baby back. Javi had gotten a baby doll months earlier and he loved taking care of her. So it was no surprise when he sat in the chair and said “I hold Lola!” and put his arms out. I was definitely hormonally nervous about this (I mean, he’s an un-sturdy 2-year-old) but I didn’t want him to feel that we didn’t trust him or that his new sister was off-limits in any way. So with very close supervision, Sean put 12 hour old Lola, into Javi’s arms and in just a few minutes he declared “I done with Lola” and I took her back enthusiastically. But he was so proud that he held her, felt respected to have that type of responsibility and was relieved when we took her back. Win-win-win.

Introducing siblings — at home:

Lola was born on a Wednesday night, Javi visited us Thursday (twice) and we were discharged from the hospital on Friday. So here’s what we did at home.

Tip #1: Bring baby home first. I knew that when we got home from the hospital it would be a bit of a whirlwind — at least for an hour or so. It’s weird to bring a newborn into the house. There’s unpacking to do, a bit of crying (the baby, probably), we have cats we had to introduce to Lola, we got home right at lunch time — it’s just busy! Factor a toddler into the mix and that leaves too much room for chaos. We chose to get home first, get settled and then Javi arrived.

Tip #2: Forget about the routine (for a few days). We follow a routine at home. I think routines make children feel secure (and it really helps me, too). Silly me, I thought we’d get home around 11, Javi would join us around noon and go down for his nap at 1 — like always. ha! Be ready to let go of all types of routines. He didn’t nap for the first 5 days Lola was with us. I guess he had FOMO but he didn’t want to miss ANYTHING. So we rode it out with smiles and thankfully, his routine has been restored.

Tip #3: Prepare for “that’s mine!” and “that’s not yours!”. This was probably the hardest thing for me because it made me feel sad to see Javi in such distress. But in the days after Lola came home, he started to categorize things (blankets, clothes, toys, books) as HIS and if we got too close to these things while holding Lola he would yell “that’s mine!” and sometimes tears would follow. We let it ride itself out and thankfully it’s settled down. Now we’re going through the next phrase of him trying to take everything that is clearly HERS (bottles, bibs, pacifiers, the swing).

Hopefully these 9 tips are helpful!

How did you introduce your baby siblings?