Mother’s Day, 2024.

I was showered with love and gifts on this Mother’s Day. The kids, I would say especially Lola, get really invested in the holidays (big and small). Any excuse for a handmade card and the possibility of an extra dessert after dinner is all it takes for the excitement to reach a new level.

All week they had been coming home from school and hiding little treasures around the house. Some of these little creations were class crafts led by their teachers, and others were just little notes and cut out hearts they made on their own. I was also given $9 from piggy bank money in the hopes that I would turn around, go out, and buy some makeup… for her (not me!).

In the morning, they made sure to get me my favorites (chocolate chip pancakes), and then we all joined Javi at his lacrosse game. The coaches brought the kids roses, one per kid, to gift to each mom. We had mexican food for lunch, spent some time outside and Sean made dinner per usual.

There are lots of days I don’t feel particularly good at being a mom. By 5pm, on many days, I look at Sean in frustration and tell him that I can’t wait for bedtime. By 9pm, on most days, I look at Sean with tears in my eyes, and tell him all the things that I did wrong that day. I didn’t pay enough attention to someone. I didn’t listen to someone read. Someone needed a bath and didn’t get it. Someone needed a form signed and I lost it. Someone was invited to a play date and I had to decline. Someone outgrew their shoes and I didn’t have time to pick up new ones. Someone was yelled at. Someone ran out of their favorite snack. Someone felt like I sided with someone else and not them.

By 11pm, every single day, I look through my phone at the photos and videos from that day, with so much gratitude, because I’m so thankful these kids are mine. I’m thankful for our days, big and small, home or away — school days, or vacation days, sports days or lazy tv days. I love them all; the chaos, the calm, the uncertainty, the I-have-no-idea-what-I’m-doing-but-I’m-doing-it days.

Becoming a mom, was a very thoughtful, conscious decision for me. I was 27 before I even considered it, and I was 29 when Javi was born (31 for Lola, 33 for Eva and 37 for Walker). There were dozens of conversations back and forth about what adding baby #1, or 2 or 3 or 4 would do for us and our home. And each person that we’ve added to our family has added something to my life that I love:

Javi’s curiosity, creativity and intelligence. Lola’s determination, joy and sense of adventure. Eva’s humor, confidence, and empathy. Walker’s innocence, cuddles and charm.

There are a lot of people around me that question me (my sanity, mostly!) for having four kids, and trying to do too much, or take them too many places, or give them too many things. Usually, they playfully argue “but they won’t remember it!” and to that I say, that’s okay. It’s okay that they won’t remember a majority of our times together, they’re just kids. But their childhood is my motherhood, and I will remember everything.