One month with Javier Cash.

I’m a few days late with this but Javi’s one month birthday rolled around this past Tuesday. I don’t feel that I’m “getting the hang” of the motherhood thing but he’s asleep so I have a few minutes to write about the past month.

I’d be kidding myself if I said that the first month was what I expected. It’s been a whirlwind of changes, and tears, and anxiety and confusion. I never thought I could second guess my decisions as much or worry as much or not sleep at all. But I just love him so much so none of it even matters. I quickly learned to do things with one hand… or not at all. Though doing (his) laundry is an important chore that needs to be done every day or else we run out of clothes. And that’s bad. We had a few too many days there where we were still learning how to put on a diaper. Unfortunately, those days are upon us again as he’s sized out of newborns but size 1’s are still a bit big!

There have definitely been some missteps. Like when we got home from the hospital and started using toy, highchair and table wipes for his diaper changes rather than actual wipes (what’s up babyganics? you should really make the packaging DIFFERENT for these items). But nothing has hurt him and so far he doesn’t seem like he’s holding a grudge. He’s such a sweet love bug who loves being held — by anyone and everyone. He wants to hear a heartbeat close to him and he’s a happy guy.  

We’ve had a busy four weeks with the Javi man (as we call him). Sean stayed home from work with us the first two weeks. It took us a while to find any type of rhythm to the day but by the end of the second week we finally got ourselves together enough to go for a walk. I’ve continued to go for walks, even without Sean, and sometimes when I’m not quite sure why he’s upset — it’s a way to calm him. He loves movement — walking with us, strolling, being in the car. Anything. We learned this early on and it’s been a good trick up our sleeves.

We definitely got lucky with this little guy. We adore him. Every day we admit to him that “we’re still learning” and getting to know each other but at the same time it feels like he’s always been here and we’ve known each other forever. He cries when he needs something and most often it’s because he has gas from feeding him too much or too fast or something else I’m positive is our fault. He loves being held, doesn’t love being put down, enjoys his rock and play and his new swing. He recently sized out of his newborn clothes (I shed a tear) though I made him wear my favorite outfit one last time… until Sean said “um, he can’t even straighten his legs…” and he changed him. At his one month appointment we found out he gained nearly 3 pounds. He’s growing like a weed! He was eating nearly 4 oz at each feeding (half pumped breast milk, half formula) but we recently dropped it down to 3 oz because he was spitting up a lot. He eats every 2-3 hours but occasionally graces us with a 4-5 hour stretch at nighttime. When that happens, it’s glorious.

He loves hearing me sing — what a compliment, don’t you think? I wasn’t planning on using pacifiers but those suckers are lifesaving. When he’s upset, we swaddle him up tight, hold him close, give him his pacifier and sing. Sing, sing, sing. I always start with You are My Sunshine. He’s just as snuggly as in those beginning few days but he’s much more sturdy — not as “breakable”. He holds his head up pretty well (still loses control every once in a while!) and is so much more alert. I just love his blue eyes… not quite sure where they came from? He’s starting making noises other than screams. We tell him we love his stories. 

We had newborn pictures taken by a parent in my class. He wasn’t the happiest baby on the block that day (day 9) but we got some adorable pictures. And then during week 3, my friend Whitney came over and took beautiful pictures, too. This is in addition to the hundreds of photos we take of him every day. We post a lot on instagram. 

Javi’s had a lot of “firsts” in his first month. Typical ones like first bath (loved it) and first outing (Target, where else?) but he also had others like first car trip (to Maine), first weekend away, first time in a restaurant, first 5K, first trip to the zoo… the list goes on and on. 

I love bringing him places but unfortunately, I’m more anxious outside of the house than in the house. Sean assures me I’m doing well. I’m always concerned he’s cold or hungry or uncomfortable. Sean says he’s fine. I guess that’s how it’s going to be. 🙂 

We’re starting to get into a routine of eating and sleeping and reading and singing and walking and talking. I’m sure it’ll take a while but it’s so much fun to have him with us every day.