Oh, pregnancy.

Tomorrow morning, I’m going to my 37 week non-stress test. I’m really hoping that they’ll say “oh! you’re in labor!” and send me to labor and delivery. (ha!) I’m not sure how likely it is that will happen but a girl can dream, right? As I’m nearing the end of my second pregnancy, I’m feeling nostalgic. So I’ve set aside some time to put into words the similarities and differences between my first pregnancy and my second and I’m sharing some fears, too:

Pregnancy Similarities:

Babies are amazing and when it’s YOURS?! I can’t even explain it. Both pregnancies had a level of excitement that can’t be measured. My first was MY FIRST! I’m excited for my second because of the prospect of giving Javi a sibling. PLUS I found out it was a girl… and you can imagine.

I was high-risk both times. The first time was more for me (blood clotting disorder) and the second time was more for the baby (possible heart block/defect) until I fainted at the grocery store and then I was high-risk due to severe anemia (and have had to have weekly iron infusions). So, during both I’ve had so many appointments, ultrasounds and time with specialists who just cause more stress. Seriously.

Pregnancy Differences:

Sleep:

First — All I did was sleep. Any chance I got, I slept. After work, before dinner, all weekend long I was asleep.

Second — Ha! Having a toddler at home makes that impossible and leads to being OH, so tired.

Food:

First — I drank 100 ounces of water a day, never touched soda, soft cheeses or deli meat.

Second — Let’s just say I’ve had a few sodas (each week), a turkey and cheese sub (nearly every Sunday), and I didn’t know fresh mozzarella was on “the list” until about 4 weeks ago. Too late now.

Mood:

First — I like to remember myself as being pretty level-headed. I think Sean would agree.

Second — My patience is gone, I’m pretty short in my responses to people and I think I may actually be mean in some instances. I blame the lack of adequate sleep. 🙂

Confidence:

First — By week 37, I had gone into labor and delivery more than three times CERTAIN I was about to give birth but they always turned me away.

Second — I ignore the odd and the uncomfortable, drink some water and wait it out.

Readings:

First — Pregnancy forums, Facebook groups, and pregnancy books were my major hobbies. I had every baby app available in the app store and I knew exactly how many weeks I was, and how big the baby was in comparison to a piece of fruit.

Second — Sometimes I forget I’m pregnant.

Preparedness:

First — Everything was purchased, washed and waiting for him by 30 weeks. I packed my hospital bag early, installed the car seat and I got things ready (scheduled bill payments, grocery shopping, meal planning, etc.) for the first month after his birth.

Second — I’m still working on it. 🙂 The room is “ready“, and the car seat is somewhere in the basement. I’ll get to it… eventually.

Overall Health:

First — It was summer during my third trimester and that really messed with my body. I was so swollen and the doctor put me on bedrest around 30 weeks. They threatened me with iron infusions but I declined each time.

Second — Now, in my third trimester, it’s (nearly) winter and I’ve just started to swell. I haven’t been put on bedrest but at week 35 my doctor put me out of work and told me I needed to take it easy. My levels are so low, I couldn’t decline the infusions any longer.

Pregnancy Worries, Concerns, & Fears:

#1: Labor and Delivery

First — Labor and delivery was my major concern and everything (even all the excitement) came back to it. How much pain are we talking? How long will it be? Will it be embarrassing?

Second — Having a healthy baby. I don’t think that much about the pain or the time or anything else. Because guess what? It’s work, it’s time-consuming, it’s embarrassing, you lose all dignity and it hurts, A LOT. But you truly do forget. Isn’t that the only reason women do it all over again?

#2: The IV

First — More than anything (and it still involved labor and delivery) I didn’t want an IV. DID NOT WANT IT. The thought of an IV made me physically ill.

Second — While I’m still not a huge fan of it, I’ve been getting IV iron weekly and I’ve gotten a bit more comfortable and lot less dramatic over IVs.

#3: The Epidural

First — I was all about HypnoBirthing and breathing through the pain (pain is in your head after all). I declined the epidural so many times and really wanted to make it naturally. I didn’t.

Second — Guess what? No one gives you a medal at the end of the line. This time I’ll take the epidural when they offer it to me. (and no, the needle doesn’t hurt because contractions hurt more).

#4: Recovery

First — I was so unprepared for the emotions, the pain and the longterm effects of labor and delivery and I did not know how long the recovery process truly would be. I knew that bringing a newborn home would be hard; I didn’t know I would feel so terrible 24/7… for months.

Second — Obviously, I’m not at this point yet. But I already feel more ready this time around. I’m more hopeful, I now know what I need, what helped me and where I need to draw the line.

#5: Breastfeeding

First — I thought it would be butterflies and fairy tales and that breastfeeding (because it’s natural and women have done it since the beginning of time) would be easy. It’s not.

Second — I’ve already come to terms with the fact that it’s not for me. I have my pump ready and I’m calling it a day.

#6 Second baby

First — The only living things we had in the house were our cats and they adapted fine to the baby.

Second — I know that my heart will grow and that I will love my children the same amount and in different ways. I’ll parent them however they need to be parented and I know that may be different for each of them. But I can’t help but be a bit sad for Javi. As an only child myself, I’ve loved our time together and the one-on-one time makes sense. I’m curious and a bit worried about what this all means for us, for him as a person and if he’ll understand, show jealousy or excitement or just want her to go away. I could cry just thinking about this one.

Did you experience differences in your pregnancies? What are your fears?