Thoughts On Screen Time.

My feelings on screen time have changed over the course of my parenting journey. In the early years, when Javi was a baby, I felt really strongly that children shouldn’t watch screens. So strongly, that we moved our tv out of our main living space and didn’t have it on once he was beyond the newborn stage of life. We never resorted to entertaining him with a device while out at restaurants, and didn’t own a tablet. And then… I had another kid.

While I was pregnant and sick, and then recovering and keeping a newborn alive (along with a new 2 year old) we began integrating tv and movies that felt nostalgic to us; mostly Disney stuff. That was clearly a gateway into other Disney stuff, and before we knew it the theme of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse played in my dreams. One cross country trip later plus enrolling in a school with a terrible commute… and we now owned two tablets (but only used them in the car.) And then… Eva was born.

While I was pregnant and sick, and then recovering and keeping a newborn alive (along with a 1 year old and a 3 year old) we fell into a habit of watching lots of screens. And then… the pandemic happened.

When the pandemic started, our use of screens went from family bonding to an actual method of survival. We not only moved our tv, but we added a tv into the playroom so that the kids could watch movies while Sean and I worked.

Up until recently, my feelings about screen time were: if you limit it, it’s all they think about and as long as they’re mixing up their day (being creative, signed up for sports, playing outside) — who cares about screen time! After all, we are tv watchers. After a long day, Sean and I curl up on the couch… and watch tv. Why shouldn’t we allow our kids to do the same?

But — but… here’s the thing. Now the kids are 8, 6, 4 (and a newborn) and screen time has become… volatile. They argue over who’s watching what, fight over the remote control, ignore people when they’re being spoken to while the tv is on, and honestly… most of what they watch, is crap. For toddlers, there seems to be more of a push for educational shows. For elementary school-aged kids, there’s a few options but it’s either one thing or another. A really educational show the kids are not interested in, or a really badly done cartoon/sitcom for kids with a Y7 rating. And don’t even get me started on YouTube!

So we go through periods of totally unlimited screen time. And then, when I’m overly stimulated, stressed out with the house, and repeating myself 10x to come to the table to eat — we declare screen time is no more. We put passwords on devices, hide the remotes, and just stop cold turkey. And… no one cares. They don’t fight about it, or argue with us — they just accept it, move on and find other things to do. And so after a few days, the remotes reappear and the passwords are shared and we go on until the next cycle of overstimulation.

But in those times of being screen free — two things happen. The first is that my house becomes more of a disaster because #childhood. They bring out every toy, art supply, doll, and puzzle. They want to play, and bake, and create, and go outside, and come back inside, and go back outside, and garden, and play baseball, and the list goes on. Great! Great?! This leads me to the second thing that happens… I get nothing done. Not only is my house a mess, but I’m so busy catching up with them and keeping them engaged and happy, that I can’t do anything that needs to happen for our house to run smoothly — feed Walker, wash dishes, fold laundry, pay bills, order groceries, clean toilets, prep snacks, WORK! The truth is, I need my kids to watch a show and/or a movie once in a while. It’s good for me, my sanity and my daily routine. And I don’t feel bad about that.

But recently, I thought — why not mix things up. 🙂 Enter: Earning Screen Time.

The idea is simple really. They each get a sheet at the beginning of the week, and every job is worth 5 minutes of screen time — complete your whole column and you can earn 5 extra minutes, making the total for the day 60 minutes. Up for grabs — your pick — tv or tablet or some combination. Don’t use it (on very busy days, there’s just no time for screens), and you can carry over your minutes to the next day. One week, Lola saved all her minutes and then watched The Eras concert on the weekend. 🙂

For two weeks, we started with easy jobs — brush teeth and get dressed, for example. After… I switched them out for more communal chores around the house. So how did it go?

Lola thrived! She was totally into the checklist each and every day and loved doing all the jobs around the house. She earned her screen time every single day.

Eva, had the drive, but needed a lot of reminders and help (obviously) so the checklist became a lot of work… for me.

And Javi… well, Javi said he’d rather give up screen time forever than do his checklist. ha!

I made a few variations, so they got different jobs each week.

I was recently waiting at one of our many extra-curricular activities and a mother asked “so how do you handle screen time at home” and someone replied “um, not well”. 🙂

And I think it’s just one of those things… that is always evolving. Yes, there are recommendations and yes, we’re probably in violation of them! I admit when it’s a problem, it’s a problem. But when it’s good? When we’re snuggled on the couch together on a family movie night, or solving wordle in the morning, or playing digital Pictionary on tablets — it’s so good. And then sometimes, they’re willing to give up every device indefinitely so that they don’t have to vacuum. And you know what, that doesn’t really bother me because chances are… I would have had to vacuum again anyway!