Our Calming Corner.

It’s important for children to learn how to cope and deal with unhappiness, stress, anxiety and more. Sometimes, these skills don’t come easily. Coping skills needs to be learned and practiced by children and taught and modeled by adults.

Last week, I met with a specialist to talk about a typical day for Lola. Oftentimes she’s dysregulated and has a hard time managing her emotions. I believe this is a mixture of her personality, her age, her trouble communicating, her lack of outside friendships and interactions — it’s a whole lot for a small four year old! The specialist suggested we implement a calming corner at home. This is a space a child can go to when they’re feeling upset so that they can regain emotional and physical control. Because I’m participating in a no-spend-year… I had to work with what is already in our house. But, today Lola and I set up her calming area with things we had at home and she is thrilled about it.

The specialist suggested that her calming corner be in her bedroom. But for a few reasons, I couldn’t make that work. The first is that when my kids are upset… I want to be nearby. I don’t want to send them away. We don’t do time-outs, and we don’t send our kids to their rooms when they are feeling big feelings. They can choose to go there of course, but rarely do they. Putting the calming corner in her room felt negative to me and felt too much like the message I would be sending was “go away” or that she was wrong or bad for whatever was happening.

The other reason, I couldn’t have it upstairs was logistical. Sean works upstairs most of the day and that’s when these big feelings and emotions come about. So logistically, I cannot send Lola upstairs while Sean is on conference calls. 🙂 So the only practical solution was to rearrange some of the art area and put the small nook in the back of our living room. Maybe it’ll change over time but it seems like a very functional space right now.

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Typically, a calming corner has a soft, cozy space to sit and a small shelf with a few books and quiet toys. Activities should focus on managing emotions, breathing exercises, mindfulness, fulfill sensory needs, and just be favored by the child for whom the corner is designed. Here is what we included:

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She chose her slumberkin; a doll and a blanket that were made for her. I chose a few books; the one she got with her slumberkin (which is THE best!), and others that are about self-confidence, her place in our family, her age and so on. We also collected some of our fidget toys, a tea light she can turn on and off, a handheld mirror so she can see her facial expressions or just make silly faces, a small wind-up music box and noise cancelling headphones. I’m not sure when we’ll rotate materials in and out of this area but for now, these items stay on this shelf.

I’ve put together a little list on amazon if you want to take a look at some other suggestions.

The last item I included in her calming corner is a small sign about the zones of regulation. There are a lot of systems like this one but I chose this one because it’s well-known, widely-used and it’s the same program that Javi’s school uses (that Lola will attend soon enough.) I thought if she got some experience with the zones and what they mean (blue is sad/sick/tired, green is happy/calm/feeling okay, yellow is excited/frustrated/worried, and red is mad/mean/out of control), that’ll only help her. The idea is that when she’s feeling something, she looks to the sign to identify what that feeling is. Then we’ll talk about activities and actions she can do to help her manage those feelings.

I know some people will ask, so I figured I’ll share that I’m not sure how to make this corner specifically for Lola… without my other kids feeling excluded or frustrated by it. I’ll have to check back in a few weeks and give an update about how this is all working. But right now, we’re feeling hopeful.